Before I Get to 2010 - What I Learned from 2009

We all know that 2009 was the worst year on record and I cannot imagine 2010 being any worse.  But with that said, I hope many people enter the New Year armed with the knowledge from the lessons 2009 provided all of us.  If you weren't paying attention, class is now in session: 

1.  If you are going to make a mistake, make it a big one.  It always seemed that Tiger Woods was too good to be true.  Perfect in every way, his flaws started to show in 2009 when it became evident that he was cheating on his wife.  What actually will work in Woods' favor is the fact that he didn't cheat on his wife with just one woman, but at least 10, most of whom allegedly lacked the class of Woods' wife, Elin Nordegren, a Swedish model no sane man would ever cheat on.  Considering this absurd stupidity, it will all make sense when Woods comes out and finally announces his sex addiction.  Who could argue with that?  If people can feel bad for those addicted to cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, gambling and even eating, who can honestly say that Woods cannot be addicted to sex.  Addictions come in many forms and if someone can be addicted to food and use that addiction to explain his overweight problems, then Woods has this opportunity to brush this all aside as a problem he needs to deal with.  As long as he deals with it effectively, Woods should be forgiven and granted a clean slate. Dr. Drew's Sex Rehab show has helped put a face on this horrible problem and Woods has allowed men, and women for that matter, one free pass to cheat on their significant others, as long as they do so in excess.  What's your handicap? 

2.  Women are intelligent, but when it comes to relationships, they do not think as clearly.  While Tiger Woods has one chance to redeem himself, how many chances does Charlie Sheen need before women say, "You know...those restraining orders and order of protections are warning signs I might want to pay attention to." Before being threatened with her life, do you think Brooke Mueller thought, "I don't care about his love of prostitutes, his problems with every girl he ever dated or married - did you see how he acts with that kid on Two and a Half Men...he's a sweetheart and I can certainly change him.  He is not the same man he has been for over two decades.  Gee...what is this new shipments of knives for?" Women always think they are too special and that even the worst guy can change for her, as if their life is a borrowed Beverly Hills 90201 Season 1 DVD.  Whose the next girl who becomes one of Chris Brown's greatest hits?  "He was just addicted to hitting women, but now I think he has changed," Kristinia Debarge will announce before making her relationship with Chris Brown public.  And if that does indeed happen, how long before she sings about her single girl limp?

3.  How about you give me $1 million and I will invest it and turn it into $100 million?  Sounds too good to be true?  Yes it does.  But even after Bernie Madoff made a fool out of so many people by squandering their money in one of the world's largest ponzi scams, how long before someone else falls for the same ploy.  This lesson is, the more things change, the more they stay the same.  Everyone has a little Ralph Kramden in them and are easily duped by "Get Rich Quick" schemes.  It's time to make your money the hard way - work for it.  There's something everyone can learn for 2010. 

4.  Cheat and the fans will turn on you, unless you are helping your team win the World Series.  Barry Bonds was linked to performance enhancement drugs and fans chose to boo him even as he was about to break the all-time home run record.  The key here is that the San Francisco Giants were not playoff contenders.  Fast forward to 2009 and A-Roid is finally exposed as a steroid abuser.  But were the fans booing him in Game 1 of the 2009 World Series?  Of course not.  Cheating for the benefit of the team is a forgivable offense.  Just ask Andy Pettitte. There is something wrong with this.  Try embezzling money to make your company millions, get caught, apologize, and see if you have a job when you come back. 

5.  It's ok for grown people to act like high school kids.  Jon Gosselin came home and found his house ransacked with a knife pinning a note to a dresser for the octodad.  His lawyer claims his ex-girlfriend is going to jail for this crime, but it turns out the whole scene may have been staged (where was Charlie Sheen?) to frame Jon's ex and provide him with much-needed publicity.  Jon needs to be painted as a victim after screwing up the sympathy so many people had for him when he was tied to the overbearing Kate. But now, if he was involved in staging a crime scene, Jon could be sharing a cell with the balloon boy's dad.

6.  People do not like Lindsay Lohan.  When Britney Spears tried to make a comeback, people flocked to watch her guest appearance on How I Met Your Mother, or buy her Circus CD.  When Lindsay Lohan made a guest spot on Ugly Betty, no one watched, Ugly Betty was in danger of being canceled and moved to dead-end Fridays.  Lindsay gets no support.  And in some cases, I think people are counting down the days until her death (as screwed up as it is to say) as much as they counted down the days to when the Olsen Twins became 18.  Be careful what you wish for...remember how the Olsens looked at 18. 

7.  President Barack Obama does not know how to tie a tie.  When he does appear with one, thank his wife. 

8.  Whitney Houston off drugs sounds a lot like Whitney Houston on drugs. 

9.  Either Nick Cannon made a deal with the devil, is the devil or has the tapes of Mariah Carey's voice mails to Eminem. 

10.  Award shows are fixed.  Besides Taylor Swift winning the MTV Video Music Awards when Beyonce clearly had the greatest video of all-time - better than every single video ever created, but Michael Jackson dies and suddenly he is winning American Music Awards left and right when he wouldn't have even been nominated had he been alive.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do - Goodbye!

"Listen, I've given this a lot of thought and I have come to the conclusion that things are just not working out," I said, looking tenderly into the big circular eyes of my current companion.  "It's not you...it's me.  I just don't think I am able to commit anymore to this relationship and it's better to just end it now than drag it out."

With that, my year-long relationship was over.  Me and 2009 were through.  I had to say goodbye.  And although I could tell it hurt, 2009 stormed off into the next room, packed its bags and walked out of my life.  But like any relationship, it will be a few weeks before my relationship with 2009 is officially over.  There is going to be that last blast of alcohol fueled sex on December 31, but come midnight, I will find a new year to ruin my life and take half my soul.  In the meantime, 2009 and I are sorting through this breakup, deciding on a number of issues affecting us both.  For instance, what will we do about our mutual friends?  I have decided to let 2009 keep unemployment, foreclosures and financial disaster while I will keep hard work, determination and never-quit.  Those guys know how to party and I don't want to lose them. 

Like millions of people around the world, I can't wait to say goodbye to 2009.  Not only will I be able to say goodbye to the most annoying glasses of the last decade, but maybe...just maybe...I can say hello to a better world.  2009 began with so much promise.  On December 31, 2008, I went to the Huntington Hilton in Long Island for a massive blowout to welcome in the New Year with more promise than ever before.  I had a great time.  The food was amazing, the drinks kept flowing, and after it was all said and done, I didn't have to travel far to pass out in bed.  The actual start to 2009 brought a breakfast buffet complete with both an omolette and waffle station...always a welcome addition to anyone's life.  I went home with a smile on my face, looking forward to what 2009 had in store for me. 

Later, as I sat by my computer screen watching coverage of President Barack Obama's inauguration, I felt a sense of promise.  Surely, America was changing for the better with the election of its first black president.  How could one not believe 2009 would be their year?  But that was not the case.  The economy had another idea, not just for me, but this whole world.  I had lived through several recessions, but they were so small they barely even registered an impact in my world.  When you get through rough economies, it's almost hard not to believe you are invulnerable to the nations problems.  How wrong I was. 

In 2008, I decided to make a major change in my life.  I decided to leave full-time journalism behind.  So many hats I wore, but I wanted an entire new suit and I took a position in public relations.  Unfortunately for me, the job I applied to was a temporary assignment; a job meant to set me up for my transition into this new career.  At the time of my decision, I thought to myself, I am an excellent worker.  You don't rise through the ranks of a newspaper so quickly without having a strong work ethic and great skills to match.  I knew that when my assignment was complete, I would have my pick of public relations jobs, because I would prove myself in a short period of time. 

And I did prove myself, landing several stories in major media outlets all over the nation and even Canada, Mexico and Japan.  There was no doubt in my mind that when my contract was over, I would find a job fast.  But the economy officially tanked in November 2008 and I remember that day well, because I was working an night-time gig and proud of the fact that I got through my first major event as a public relations rep.  On my way home, I noticed so many news trucks outside Lehman Brothers and I never realized the impact it would have.  Even when newspapers covered the collapse of Wall Street, I couldn't comprehend the disaster that awaited.  "The economy will pick up after America becomes more certain of its direction.  Once the election is over, things will get better."  Obama won the election and the economy got a little worse.  "Once Obama takes office, he will fix things."  And Obama took office and the economy got worse, still.  "I'm not making that much money...this is only affecting people making $100,000 a year and more...I'm sure I will find a job."

On March 6, 2009, I officially joined the ranks of the unemployed.  After 15 straight years of some form of employment, I was at home...every day.  It would pass, I thought.  I made getting a job my new job, and so I woke up at 8 a.m., drank coffee, bought a paper and then started sending out my resume until 5 p.m., sometimes later, each day...every day, including weekends.  They say unemployed people send out resumes on average 1 or 2 hours a day.  I'd like to think I drove up those statistics, but yet, nothing was coming through.  Apparently, no one had heard of how great Jon Minners was or no one cared.  Suddenly, I no longer felt that great about my skills.  I entered a bit of depression, believing that maybe I was fooling myself all these years...maybe I would be unemployed forever...or maybe I would have to leave my dreams of being a writer behind for a life working in a field I would never enjoy - stewing, and longing for what once was.  Or maybe I would end up homeless - you don't have to live on the streets to be homeless...even if friends and family did take me in.  The You, Me & Dupree situation wouldn't work in the long run and having "7 different kinds of smoke" wouldn't land me a book gig and the admiration of Lance Armstrong.  Life doesn't work out like they do in the movies. 

Then the interviews started coming.  Some I failed miserably while others had left me with a good feeling.  I had just completed several interviews with a city agency and I made it to the final two, knocking my final interview out of the park. I was sure I got the job and I decided to go out and enjoy one day of peace and relaxation.  I ran the track at Astoria Park.  It felt good.  I deserved one day to myself and it was a beautiful day.  There wouldn't be any more days like this when I started working again.  But I missed a call during my adventure.  It was the agency I had been interviewing with and they left a message; the kind that came across like there was good news in store for me.  I called them back anxiously, excited that my good day would become great.  Nope.  They decided to go with someone else.  Although the position didn't require it, a bad economy led someone with a plethora of management experience to apply for a job they never would have applied for before, and thus a job I would have been offered any other time in any other situation became a job for someone else.  It would be a growing theme.  I had more than enough experience as a journalist and not enough experience as a public relations rep.  I was overqualified for a position in a dying industry and under-qualified for a position in a competitive field.  Well, that just sucks. 

But does it?  2009 was horrible, but I am going to look at it a bit differently - and say that my dilemma led me down a path and in the end, I was a lot better off as a result.  I won't realize how better off I am until the fruits of my work play out in the future, but there is a silver lining under the dark cloud of unemployment.  The job I left behind last year still uses me to freelance all the time.  I am doing things in journalism that I only dreamed of doing years before, but never had the time due to my lack of free-time.  In fact, I actually had an opportunity to freelance for a major daily, which was a dream come true for me since I first decided I wanted to be a journalist in Mr. Shaw's 1st grade writing class.  Check that off my bucket list.  The contacts I made during my stay at the paper led me to several part-time and freelance job opportunities that have taught me so much more than I thought possible in both the fields of journalism and public relations.  I learned a valuable lesson - never burn a bridge, which I am glad I never did...and always network with your contacts. 

I learned that same lesson while at my first PR job.  It was there that I met someone I would like to think of as a mentor.  While she developed my strengths, she helped me deal with my weaknesses and helped me land a part-time job that guided me into the New Year.  Part-time or not, it sure feels good not to be home, and actually working in an office setting.  Here, I have made new friends, made valuable contacts and learned a bit about myself in the process.  Lessons learned - learning is a never-ending process and when our back is up against the wall, we are all capable of doing some amazing things.  I will talk more about these lessons in the future. 

But I will tell you this...Do you remember when you have a bad relationship and that person puts you through the wringer on a physical and emotional level, but when it is over, you just realize how much better you are today than you were yesterday?  Even when you make mistakes and you are broken up with and you enter a new relationship, if you are paying attention, isn't it funny how that relationship is so much better because you learned from your stupidity and no longer make the same mistakes?  2009 is like that.  It put me through the wringer and scarred me.  I never worked so hard to be rejected at every turn.  But I never quit and in the end, I picked up more experience than ever before.  My resume is pretty impressive.  I know how to sell myself better and how to enter an interview with much more confidence than ever before. I know I can get the job done, no matter what it is.  And I learned to save money.  Living off unemployment helps you learn to appreciate the little things in life.  Living off of part-time wages does the same.  I know now that when I do enter the full-time workforce again, I will be a whole lot better off.  And I may be able to own that house I always wanted to own, because I will save money rather than throw it away at the latest game or movie I will forget about, sometimes before the wrapping comes off. 

So, even though 2009 and I decided to part ways, rather than kick her out the door and forget about her, we decided to remain friends.  I go to her when I have troubles and need to remember how to overcome the odds.  And I look forward to my relationship with 2010.  We are getting to know each other and are taking it slow.  She's a little older and a bit wiser.  I think our relationship might be a little better.  I am taking what I learned from 2009 and applying it to something new.  Big things are going to happen this year.  And if we don't get along, at least I know the sex will be great!

10 Tips On How To Christmas Shop with Women

It's that time of the year again, and while you love being able to give gifts to your loved ones, the act of shopping is probably one of the most boring tasks to complete.  It becomes that much worse when your girlfriend or wife is involved. 

Alone, gifts can be purchased rather quickly without any real thought into how it will affect your finances or how it will even be received by the person you are shopping for.  If they don't like it, they don't understand the meaning of Christmas - it's the thought that counts and he or she doesn't need to know that you put no thought into it at all. 

But with a woman involved, Christmas shopping takes on a new meaning.  Not only are you purchasing gifts for your loved ones, but you are also purchasing gifts for their loved ones.  No longer can you recklessly purchase gifts - now you have to buy gifts perfectly suited to each individual taste (forget gift cards) and you also need to look for the perfect sale.  You must also contend with your significant other's own desires, so that dress on sale at Macy's is not for your sister - it's for your girlfriend and that means she needs to try it on and also debate with herself whether she should be shopping for herself when she is shopping for gifts.  Needless to say, shopping with your girlfriend or wife can be a nightmare, but it doesn't have to be.  Here are simple tips to help you avoid a desire to throw yourself over a railing at a mall whilst shopping with the woman you love. 

1.  Always seem interested.  If you go into the ordeal in protest, your girlfriend will go into the shopping excursion mad at you and no matter what you do during the trip, her anger will last well into the night.  This is not a good thing, because you then owe her.  This could result in another shopping adventure and we do not want that.  Go into each store with interest - discuss the plan of action and your ideas on what you would like to get for each individual on your Christmas list; offer suggestions when they show you items they are thinking about buying; pick out items you think might work (she will turn those ideas down, but it shows you are trying - big bonus points).  Keep in mind that it is ok to appear clueless, so when you keep picking out one bad item after another, you do look like you are trying, but your girlfriend may need a break from you and decide to go off on her own for a bit.  This is good.  It allows you to cool off and recharge your batteries for the next store. 

2.  When at a store, it is okay to wander off on your own to look for personal items you may need.  You can also suggest splitting up to look for gifts, but keep in mind that your ideas are usually going to be ignored, so if you decide to go down this route, don't even bother looking for gifts...look for yourself.  Most gifts that your girlfriend is going to decide upon are going to be for women or older men who cannot appreciate fun games and gadgets.  You will be allowed to buy gifts on your own for guy friends and your little brother, nephew or cousin, because your girlfriend will acknowledge that in this department, you actually do know best.  So, when wandering off, stick to these areas.  Look at games, toys, computers, iPods, televisions and so on.  Do not go into aisles your girlfriend will venture off into, even if they are interesting to you (such as kitchen appliances).  Why?  Well, you might think you are getting a jump start by looking through these aisles and reporting to your girlfriend that there is nothing there worth buying, but all you are doing is wasting your time.  Your girlfriend is going to go down the aisle anyway, forcing you to repeat the process, and therefore making the trip that much more excruciating. 

3.  Take breaks when you can.  I was at Macy's the other day and had no need for a coffee, but shopping at Macy's is overwhelming and I needed a way to get away, even for a few minutes.  I yawned a little, commented on how tired I was and then conveniently noticed a Starbucks inside the store.  Do not appear selfish either.  I turned to my girlfriend and asked her if she would like me to get her a cup of coffee.  She said no, but said if I wanted a cup, I should go up.  I told her I didn't want to leave her to get a cup of coffee, but when someone passed by and I said, "Mmmm...frap," and she said, "go get one if you want," I jumped at the opportunity.  I appeared that I was being valiant in my effort to stick around and help out more by not going the first time.  It didn't hurt that I eventually did go.  And when I did, I took my time, but still made sure there was enough frap available to offer my girlfriend a sip.  You should strategically take breaks whenever you can.  The bathroom works, too. Going to the bathroom is an awesome opportunity to take a break.  It allows you to take as long as you want.  Blame the line.  It's a great way to just relax for a bit when the constant walking and indecision is getting you down. 

4.  Never rush anyone in the last store.  If you have nowhere to go, rushing your girlfriend in the last store will just make her angry, and possibly make her take longer than she should - just on purpose.  If you are smart, you will make your shopping trip part of an all-day event, and make reservations to a restaurant or have tickets for a movie or play.  Then, at the last store, you can say something like, "Damn, I wish we had more time to shop, but the movie is about to start in 30 minutes and train traffic is horrible on the weekends."  If you didn't make plans, just know that the last store is usually not the important store, because girls like to get the important gifts out of the way first.  You can wait it out.  For any other store, it is okay to point out that they should speed things up if they want to get to the other stores before they close.  This helps, because it nowhere near implies that you are trying to get out of shopping. 

5.  Bring a book or video player.  If your girlfriend does intend to shop for herself, she is going to pick 30 dresses and only buy two.  That means 30 minutes in the changing room and you sitting there bored out of your mind.  Having a book handy or something to watch will make the experience more enjoyable.  I still don't get why stores catering to women do not include lounge areas that allow guys to unwind.  I can drink a coffee and relax while my girl shops?!  Sign me up.  It would lead to far less arguments and probably a lot more sales. 

6.  If you are online shopping, girls do not change their habits.  They look at every item in each aisle in the stores, and they will look at every possible item they can look at online.  If you are helping your girlfriend shop online, sit with your laptop on the opposite side of your girlfriend.  Curl up in a way that blocks the screen and keep Amazon.com open.  Then, using tabs that you can x out of quickly, open up other screens and read news, watch videos in silence or chat with friends (not too much - a girl can tell the difference between typing to search and typing to chat.)  Every once in awhile, shout out a suggestion.  When she rejects your idea, put another item up on the screen.  Don't say anything.  Keep that item there for a few minutes until it is time to shout out the next item she will pan.  This way, if she comes by your computer, you don't have the old item up on the screen - a dead giveaway that you are not working.  This should always work. 

7.  Always offer to carry bags.  When you are loaded down with bags, you have a right to complain a little about how tired you are or how much your arms hurt.  A caring girlfriend will feel bad and try to quicken her pace a bit to make the shopping experience less painful for you.  After all, you are working hard, carrying gifts that are not even for your family. 

8.  Never eat at the food court first.  If you go to the mall, you must schedule a food court excursion for the middle of the trip.  If you go first, when you are finished with your meal, there is still no denying that you have shopping to do.  However, in the middle of the trip, when your girlfriend or wife is extremely tired, it is a great idea to suggest a break for some lunch or early dinner.  Pick an establishment that serves filling food - the kind that just sits in your belly and anchors you to the floor.  Never mention shopping during your break.  At the beginning, you may have to go over your list, but after that, talk about things that involve being home, curling up in front of the television and just relaxing.  Put her in a mood that has her wanting to do anything, but shopping.  A good meal will leave you a little sleepy...a good meal after a long shopping trip will increase that level of tiredness.  Never suggest going home, but if she says, "Ohhhh, I don't want to shop anymore...I'm so tired," jump on it with an encouraging phrase or two.  "You did great shopping today...we can finish the list another time.  It's okay."  It's a good way to cut an exhausting day in half. 

9.  Take on extra work and then blame it on your boss.  "Baby, I can't go shopping with you today.  I have to finish those reports for my boss.  This sucks.  I really wanted to help, but we can use the extra money with what we are spending on gifts."  It is always good to mention the economy and how forward thinking you are, while showing that you are helping in your own way.  Then, if she decides to go shopping on her own or with a friend, finish that extra work from the comfort of your home, using your laptop while you watch a little television.  Relax and enjoy your freedom. 

10.  Never go shopping at the last minute.  If you hold off all your shopping until the last minute, you may find yourself shopping from the moment a store opens until it closes at midnight.  The anxiety will force your girlfriend to ignore the hunger pains, and she will not want you to leave her side, because if you go to get coffee, you are not helping in this major moment of need - you become the bad boyfriend.  You will carry more bags, including those hard Macy's bags with the twine handles that cut into your skin.  You will become angry and rush your girlfriend.  She will get mad.  You will fight.  And she will blame you for ruining Christmas, which means you will have to make it up, either with an expensive New Year's or the most romantic Valentine's Day your mind can comprehend - which I know it can't.  We're men after all. 

I made it through the holiday rush without a scratch.  Follow these tips and you can have a Merry Christmas, too. 

The Meaning of Christmas

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, but children woke up to find they were bare.  No gifts, no gifts and Santa was jeered.  The recession had hit and he canceled Christmas this year.  That wasn't the case for all - the rich got to play with their fancy new balls; poor tots had their toys to enjoy - but the low middle class, their Christmas was spoiled.  Without a full-time job, without any money to see, there would not be gifts under their Christmas tree. 

Last week, I wrote a blog about how the economy forced us to be thankful for the little things in life.  And as we all sat with our families to enjoy a delicious meal, it was nice to just simplify life for a second and think about how grateful we are to celebrate the holiday with the ones we loved.  2009 forced us to live life differently and material objects were not as important anymore.  But now, as economic indicators start showing signs of a recovery, Christmas is here and there are sales for the latest toys, games, jewelry, clothing and more.  Every year ends the same way, with a focus on what we want, what we can't afford and what we wish we could own.  Christmas becomes a time when a lot of people who were used to having so much become depressed because they have so little. 

And I have to admit that I fall into this trap, but not for the reasons one would think.  If you asked me what I wanted for Christmas, I couldn't even tell you.  Maybe I would want an iPod Touch or the Zune HD, but my old Zune works perfectly fine, and I can't believe owning a new gadget that does most of the same things the old ones did will really make me a happier person.  Maybe I would like a new videogame, but I barely play the ones I have now.  I could always enjoy a new movie, but I have Netflix and how many times do we watch movies more than once - especially with the cream of the crap that has been shoved down our faces this year.  It would be great to get a lot of things, but when you look at what you really need, I think the only thing I would want this year would be a full-time job, with the health benefits that would allow me to take care of my family.  And then there is something else I would want...

See, Christmas is not about getting gifts.  It's about giving them.  I will never forget last year.  Kristy, my girlfriend, only wanted a Canon Rebel SRL for Christmas, but she knew she wouldn't get one, because of the expense.  She asked for gift certificates so that she could save up and purchase one on her own.  I was finishing up a temporary job and I knew I might have only one more big Christmas to give...at least for a while.  But I used my upcoming unemployment as an excuse...saying I could not afford the holidays.  She didn't expect much, and I made sure that I appeared unhappy about my inability to provide.  I told her I would get her a gift certificate to start her on her way, but that would be all.  She did want some workout gloves, so I bought those, and then proceeded to buy her additional workout equipment.  The look on her face when she opened each item - "what are you trying to tell me?"  I laughed, especially when she opened the box containing the small medicine ball.  It looked like it could hold a camera.  I bet she was upset when she opened that one.  And then, I purchased the latest in the Wicked series, and had it signed by the author.  I felt that would be the gift that showed I cared.  When she opened it, she was delighted by the thought that went into it.  I told her to open the book, and she did, and wondered why, because there was nothing there.  I said, "that's weird - I put the gift certificate inside the book."  She searched throughout the book and found nothing, while I told her I would look inside the closet and find it.  When I came back, I had her camera, wrapped and ready.  And as she opened it, she cried - it was the first time I knew I nailed the gift and the feeling was amazing.  Giving is truly better than receiving, but this year, I won't be able to experience that. 

While I think I might have gotten something Kristy would like, the rest of my family and friends suffer.  My little nephew has yet to be showered with gifts from his favorite uncle, and that makes me incredibly sad.  The little ones in Kristy's family, who do not understand this recession and can't imagine why Christmas should be any different this year, will not receive the kind of gifts we like to give.  We'll get something, but in the back of my mind, I will feel like I let them down.  Same with everyone else.  Me and my little sister canceled our gift giving this year.  The same goes with me and my best friend.  I really enjoy watching people unwrap gifts and seeing the looks on their faces when they get something they really liked; more importantly, a gift they didn't expect.  It's a shame that I won't experience that feeling this year. 

I know - Christmas is not about gifts.  But for non-religious people, the pagan practices are what makes Christmas so much fun.  But I am going to try to make this year special.  A smaller tree will be decorated.  There will be our annual trip to the Rockefeller Christmas Tree, complete with hot cocoa and a Christmas pretzel from the street vendor.  We will listen to Christmas songs, which will get us in the mood and probably depress us at the same time.  Of course, there is the marathon of Christmas specials and movies - our personal favorites include How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the cartoon and not the horrible film), The Scrooge musical (Thank you very much, Thank you Very Much - that's the nicest thing that anyone's ever done for me.  Yep, the classic, not another Jim Carrey crapfest...see the trend), the Christmas Story, maybe a little March of the Wooden Soldiers, and definitely my favorite films to watch with Kristy on the holidays - Miracle on 34th Street (the original) and Love Actually.  There will be baking of cookies, and this year, I will get to visit my Grandmother and Aunt for the first time in long enough.  And there will be the annual breakfast with Kristy's family...and dinners, too.  I guess it won't be too bad after all.

Then the Recession Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!  "Maybe Christmas," he though, "doesn't come from a store.  Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more."

Simple Times Provide More Reasons to Be Thankful

Yesterday I almost got hit by a cab on my way home to see Kristy. I had brought food to cook and was going to run into the liquor store to buy a bottle of white wine for what would be "romance on a budget," as I jokingly called it in my mind. To say that to Kristy would have ruined the moment, as I often tend to do. I'm a guy. We don't think clearly and as I ran across the street to get to the liquor store just as the light turned green, I should have known a cab was going to drive outside of his lane. I literally saw the cab hitting me at the knees and me rolling off to the side (wondering if that actually happened in a parallel universe, as I saw the image very clearly) and yet I couldn't stop, putting my hand out instead to stop the driver with my mental powers. He did and I got across the street unscathed and rather than be pissed off at what happened, I found myself thankful for the fact that embarrassment was all that occurred. Which made me start thinking about Thanksgiving and how my views have changed.

Last year on Thanksgiving, I stayed over at my girlfriend's family's house, because the following day we were going to a wedding. One of Kristy's best friend was getting married and Kristy had to prepare a speech, fine tuning it after enjoying a delicious meal. She woke up early to get her hair done and prepare for the big day while I slept as late as I could before having to head to church for the wedding.

This year, I'm heading to my girlfriend's grandmother's house. There will be food and desserts aplenty and I will feast as much and as fast as I can so that I can join Kristy's brother in watching a little football action - the most important of which will be the Giants game against the Denver Broncos. Never has a Thanksgiving football game meant so much in terms of playoff contention; at least in my mind. But again, this year, I will try to get to bed a little earlier, because the next day, my best friend is moving to his brand new co-op. Kristy will get to sleep late...she won't have to go anywhere, but at 9 a.m., I will be back home in the Bronx helping him say goodbye; another friend no longer calling the Bronx his home. It's a big day; not as big as a wedding, but still a life changing experience nonetheless.

It just makes me realize how different things have been since the economy dropped out from under us. No longer do we view the frivolous things in life as reasons to be thankful. It's as if the economy forced us all to reassess our life and see what truly is important. I started the year with the full-time job that had an expiration date and I am ending the year with a part-time job that has also left me uncertain. Jobs are hard to come by and people are not even sure what Christmas will bring as Black Friday awaits us with both a mixture of of promise and fear. Could this Christmas be a start of a surge in consumer spending; the kind we need to truly lift everyone from the recession, and if so, will it also be the start of a new era of selfishness that has everyone in 2010 thankful for their new toys and forgetting the lessons we learned this year?

We don't really have a tradition at the Thanksgiving Day table to discuss our reasons for being thankful. But if we did, I think my priorities have shifted a great deal. I would turn to the left or right depending on where she was sitting and say I was most thankful for Kristy, the girlfriend who has not been a doting companion hanging on my every word or cheering my every move. I am thankful because she is full of love and a lot of fun, but more so because she is a no-nonsense realist who understands that the majority of people do not have everything handed to them. When she sees me slipping, she doesn't baby me or do the work for me; she challenges me to be better and I fight her on everything...but funny enough, I wouldn't have it any other way. Almost four years into our relationship, she won't let me slip into the funk that has claimed countless other relationships of years past - forcing me to find creative ways to keep the candle lit. Most people wouldn't be up for the challenge and while I may have been ready to just lay back, watch television and let life slip me by, her continued spark has made me excited about what can be done to enjoy a new, uncertain future together.

And I would be most thankful for my baby nephew Logan, whose birth provided the Minners family a reason to smile during what was a rough year. Justine Manzano gave birth to Baby Logan on August 1, 2009 and as a fellow Leo, I have grown very fond of the little tyke, excited about the day when he calls me Uncle Jon. I have watched him grow in recent months and the last time I saw him, the Minners family and their significant others gathered to celebrate our own Thanksgiving. Sitting in my older sister's apartment in New Jersey, the family gathered for what was Logan's first Thanksgiving and he seemed genuinely happy to be there, laughing when my older sister lifted him in the air or when Kristy counted 1 - 2 - 3 before doing the exact opposite. The look on his face at the count of 2 could lighten up anyone's mood, as at only 4 months (not even), he was learning how to anticipate fun. His need to talk to me extensively with words and garbling no one could understand made this Thanksgiving one I will never forget. I can't wait to see him around Christmas. That's my little buddy. He has brought the Minners family closer than ever before.

It's easy to just be depressed this holiday season. I was unemployed much of the year and it did have its toll on me; knowing how good I was and how good I can be only to be frustrated by one rejection after another. But so many people are in the same boat - so many with even more experience than myself. You just can't get down about things like that when strangely, you realize you are in good company. In addition, being unemployed opened the doors up for me to do so many freelance projects that kept me writing throughout the year. Moreover, my public relations skills have been sharpened with stints publicizing corporate clients, celebrities and for-profit companies, after beginning the year in the not-for-profit sector. My resume has grown. My contacts have grown. My experience has grown to a level where "next year will be my year" is no longer a phrase someone shouts when the ball drops; but rather a real possibility.

And it's hard to stay depressed when so much good happened in 2009. The aforementioned best friend got married this year and the process was exciting, as we celebrated his bachelor party in Atlantic City with old and new friends. As the best man, I had a front row seat to the nuptials, which made me realize just how special the moment is when you really love someone. Having the opportunity to speak on Mike's behalf during the celebration, not only allowed me an opportunity to thank a "brother" for all he has done, but also provided me with a new sense of confidence, as guests laughed in all the right spots during a speech I ended up improvising at the spur of the moment. There's nothing like performing in front of a live crowd. But seriously, they are married and now they are owning their own piece of property. I get to help them make the biggest move of their lives together, and it makes me happy for them, while also instilling a sense of direction for me. Suddenly, the future is a little more clear.

And the future is exciting. Kristy started a business this year...and it's starting to pick up. If that is not a sign of good things to come, I don't know what is. It has made me a believer that we need to go through adversity and appreciate the smaller things before we truly deserve to have the finer things in life. of course, I am learning that the finer things in life are not as important as the everyday things we take for granted. Realizing this has made me a little more optimistic about what is to come.

The future is not as scary a place as it was in 2008 when I had an amazing time celebrating the start of 2009, hiding the true feelings of uncertainty that I harbored (my Zune didn't work and for some reason, I saw it as a sign of what was to come) as the balloons and confetti dropped from the ceiling to usher in a new year. This year, there will probably not be any balloons. There probably won't be any confetti or special clubs. The economy took its toll, but at the same time, while I might be sitting at home watching Dick Clark or Ryan Seacrest count us down to 2010, I have a simpler focus - a great girlfriend, a wonderful family, treasured friends and a whole host of opportunities - it makes 2009 something to be thankful for and gives me hope for a better 2010.

Intergender Friendships Just Don't Work

There is a belief that guys and girls cannot be just friends, and while I do not believe the reasoning behind such a bold statement is related to some form of sexual tension, I have to admit there is some truth to the logic that CLOSE intergender friendships just don't mix. And I should know.

I currently live with my girlfriend of almost four years and there is not a day that goes by when I don't look forward to coming home and seeing her. I don't have a need for another woman in my life other than a friend. And when you understand that, you start picking up on other realizations, the first of which is that you shouldn't go on dates with other girls. You shouldn't go out to the movies or have dinner with another girl, regardless of who is paying. It just feels weird. And would you invite a girl friend over to the house when your girl wasn't home. Even if you are playing Xbox 360 or just talking to one another, why is there another woman in your home? What must your neighbors think? What would your girlfriend's friends and family think if they saw this (sometimes you are too involves to see what others see)? Yes, it's no one's business, but eventually the questions and the explanations are going to annoy you and their opinions may start seeping into your girlfriend's mind and become her opinions. And like it or not, her opinions are important. The girl you had as a friend didn't reach the love level, your girlfriend did, and therefore her opinions matter.

Girlfriends should also respect your friendships, too, but women's intuition is strong. They know their own kind and they can sense when a friendship crosses certain bounds. If she hates every single girl you are friends with, that might be an issue you need to bring up with your woman, but if she seems to only dislike certain girls and can back it up with the right statements, chances are she might be on to something. If a friend is too touchy feely, if she tries to dominate the conversation and bogard your girlfriend's time, if she lingers just a little too long with a hug, or checks you out when you don't notice, your girl might be the perfect analyst for the situation - is my girl friend being a friend or wanting something more? Of course that could backfire on the girlfriend, but it's better to figure things out right away than waste anyone's time.

I am lucky to have a girlfriend who is very nice to my girl friends, and if they became close friends, I might feel different, but as I became closer with my girlfriend, I felt no need to maintain my female friendships anymore. Maybe subconciously, your ego needs to have a woman laugh at your jokes, tell you how great you are, and be there for you when you need them. Sure, there might not be any sex involved, no kissing, no intimate moments where you find yourself in each other's arms without it having to lead anywhere, but when you are single, it feels good to know you can hang out with a girl and be close to someone of the opposite sex. But when you are with someone, that need is no longer there and intergender friendships tend to suffer.

The strangest part is, most girls, at least the ones I know, treat their guy friendships as if it was a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Guys can call each other up and talk or agree to hangout with relative ease. I call my boy up one day and he will give me a call a week later, and it is all good. But women are different. If I call or email a girl friend just to shoot the breeze and don't call again for a few weeks, I will not get a call from them at all. It's like they are upset, "Oh my God, he hasn't called me in a day...he's ignoring me; well, I ain't going to call him then...that will show him."

A lot of girls I have as friends seem to expect the guy to make the first move when there should be no moves to make. If an intergender friendship is going to work, it needs to be a regular friendship where both parties call each other up and there is no weird expectation on the other person's part. Let's just be clear, if you wouldn't act a certain way with any of your guy friends, then why would you act that way with a girl friend. And if you become busy because you are in a relationship and you see that your guy friends are still calling you to hang out or talk, but your girl friends are nowhere to be found, you may have realized something.

Intergender friendships, for the most part, are temporary. You liked your ego stroked and at the same time, girls liked to share something with a guy without having to get dressed up and without there being any expectations attached. When they realize that they cannot share that with you anymore, the other aspects of the friendship start slipping away. It's a sad truth indeed.

That's not to say you can't be friends with the opposite sex. I have met women at jobs I have worked that I have gotten along with right away and it is so much easier when they, themselves, are in a relationship. The need to have intergender friends has been replaced with a need to have couple friends...something you can share with your significant other. Couple friends are very different from regular friends. There are a different set of rules. You tend to hang out as couples, which is fun, because now the burden of conversation and fun lies on four people. Even if there is a weak link, couple friends can last longer. Date night can become double date night without it always hurting the relationship, unless date night only becomes double date night, and then you have a problem.

There are always exceptions to the rule. Some girls respect a relationship and still know how to maintain a friendship with a guy and vice versa. And in case you are wondering which of those intergender friendships are true, take a step back and examine the situation...see how drastically things have changed, how much effort has your girl friend made to be friendly with your girlfriend, and how differently your girl friends act from your guy friends once you become involved in a relationship. Just don't be too upset if what you see isn't what you want. That's just the way things are. Friendship is a fickle thing.

10 Things I Hate About You - Yankees Edition

The Yankees are celebrating their World Series victory today on Broadway and I will not be among the millions of bandwagon jumpers in the crowd.  I am from the Bronx, but I am not a Yankees fan.  Throughout the years, I have had no reason to cheer for the Bronx Bombers.  I could care less about their 27 World titles.  I am happy with the Mets and their 2 World Titles.  Yankee fans can't stand that. That's cool.  I don't really like the Yankees all that much either and I have reason not to:

1.  The Yankees don't even care about New York.  Whenever George Steinbrenner felt he wasn't getting what he wanted, he would threaten to take his team elsewhere - whether it was Florida or New Jersey - and he only stuck around when he was promised a new stadium a great deal of which was paid with our taxpayer money.  Do the Yankees then go out and spend money in the Bronx?  Do they swing by the local stores and give back to the borough that calls them home?  Nope.  An idea to build a hotel in the Bronx was shot down when it was realized that none of the Yankees would even think of sticking around in the borough that welcomes them with open arms. 

2.  The Yankees bought a championship.  Residents chastised Mayor MIchael Bloomberg for throwing around his own money to help him win an election.  Reports show that many voters were turned off by Bloomberg's actions during one of the most brutal recessions in the City's history.  Those same voters applaud the Yankees for throwing around their money during a recession and buying up one piece of talent after another, as other teams sturggle to make ends meet due to the very issues affecting regular people each day.  The Yankees literally saw this economy as an opportunity to go shopping.  And yet, they low-ball a star player like Andy Pettitte who won them the World Series.  It all started with A-Rod, but they went on a Paris Hilton-style shopping spree to guarantee a title.  If they lost this year, they would have been a baseball joke.  One last point to those that say they didn't buy a World Series - Would they have won if there was a salary cap? 

3.  They spent their money at our expense.  How many people truly got to see the Yankees play at their new stadium this year?  How many had good seats to the game?  How many will be able to afford good seats to next year's games?  The Yankees are located in the Bronx, but they do nothing to meet the demands of Bronx residents who may want to catch the action and enjoy the game with their family.  Tickets are overpriced.  They passed the cost of CC and AJ on to the fans.  And when they conduct a PR stunt, such as allowing fans in for free to see the Yankees play Game 4 of the World Series, they don't let everyone know that they are making a killing on selling those same fans overpriced food and refreshments.  It wasn't a nice gesture - it was a way to make more money off fans.  If they could have gotten away with charging admission, they would have. 

4.  Alex Rodriguez is an ass.  The original reason why I hated the Yankees many years ago was because Ricky Henderson was a cocky jackass whose antics, such as the swipe catch were such a turnoff.  When Ricky came to the Mets, I still couldn't stand him and I literally didn't watch too many games during the years Henderson donned a Mets uniform.  Alex Rodriguez is worse.  Here is a guy who cheated on his wife with a stripper, then cheated on her with Madonna; cheated in games where he shouted "Boo!" at a player while he was trying to make a catch; cheated in a game where he smacked the ball out of the glove when he realized the Yankees were on their way to losing to the Red Sox after being up 3-0 in the ALCS; cheated on the game when he took steroids; and yet, Yankees fans so desperate to see their team win a championship, condoned his actions.  I will never root for a team that looks past such blatant disregard to teammates, competitors and people in general.  Disgusting. 

5.  The Yankees forgot money doesn't always win championships.  Before A-Rod, I really enjoyed the Yankees.  In 1996, when they had three ex-Mets help them win a championship, I cheered the Yankees.  You had such an amazing team - Joe Girardi, Paul O'Neil, Tino Martinez, Derek Jeter, Andy Pettitte, Jay Leyritz, Scott Brosius, Darryl Strawberry, Doc Gooden, David Cone, Charlie Hayes, Mariano Rivera and others like them.  These were scrappy players who fit together so well, they were fun to watch and literally reminded me of the 1986 Mets.  They weren't overpaid.  It was definitely not the team of All-Stars that the Yankees are now.  These were guys who gutted it out and made the 1996 World Series one of the most exciting championships I have seen since the 1986 World Series.  That's the Yankee team I enjoyed rooting for.  What the Yankees have become is a slap in the face to the notion that you can't buy happiness; that money isn't everything; that hard work pays off. 

6.  They got rid of Joe Torre.  When they got rid of one of the greatest managers to ever don a Yankee uniform, it signified that the Yankees don't care about their players or their managers.  They want to win at all costs.  Torre led them to something like 11 straight playoffs and 4 World Series rings.  He didn't win a World Series since 2000 and so they got rid of him.  Do you honestly think Joe Torre, who continues to lead the Dodgers to the playoffs, would not win the World Series this year with the team the Yankees bought?  Believe me, this World Series was not the result of hiring Joe Girardi as manager.  The fact that the Yankees wanted to diminish the legacy of Joe Torre in the manner they did, just shows the character of the team. 

7.  Here is a recent headline from last year - Audit by the New York City Comptroller Finds The Yankees Owe New York More Than $11 Million.  They buy players, but need to be reminded to pay their taxes.  Nice.

8.  Yankee fans are so obnoxious Part I - Got Rings?!  This is the cry of the Yankees - what they use to mock others who do not agree with their belief that the Yankees are the best team in baseball.  Their crying out right now how they won their 27th World Championship.  Who won their 27th World Championship?  Half these people are younger than me and I am only 33.  How can a 25 year old tout 27 World Championships when they were around for only 5 of them?  What Knick fan mocks the Nets while recalling days of Walt Frazier, Bill Bradley and Phil Jackson?  What Ranger fan gloats about how the team won a championship in 1940?  And even though the Giants have won three world championships since 1986, what Big Blue fan mocks a Jet fan about Phil Simms and Lawrence Taylor?  yankee fans live in a past that they weren't even alive to see.

9.  Which brings me to Part II - Yankee fans are bandwagon jumpers.  They joined the bandwagon the day they were born.  They chose the Yankees because they had 22 World Championships.  If the Mets had 22 World Championships in 1976, those same Yankee fans would have been Mets fans.  Funny enough, Yankee fans push this 27 World Championships on Met fans when the Mets were not even around until 1962 and had no chance to win that many titles.  Yankees live off their legacy, which allows them to be a better team than the Mets.  Had they been created at the same time, you could make a comparison, but there are too many factors involved to even do so.  The Yankees were created first and had players like Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle and so many others.  Players want to play for the team with the legends.  The Yankees also had time to build up the warchest they use to pay for the talent they have.  The Mets do not have that luxury.  It's ridiculous to compare, but Yankee fans are smug, obnoxious, self-absorbed people. 

10. Part III - Yankee fans do not even know their own history.  They cheer the Yankees and remember to say "Got Rings" whenever they are confronted with a legitimate argument that the Yankees don't deserve our applause, but did you know the New York Yankees were once known as the New York Highlanders and prior to that, they were known as The Baltimore Orioles.  Yep, the Yankees were originally a team from Baltimore.  I'd rather root for the a team whose roots are true to New York.  You can keep shouting #27.  I'm happy with the 2 World Titles the Mets won.  A good underdog, blue-collar team worth cheering.  And they were born in New York.  Go Mets!!!